A Time travel Conspiracy:
A Fleshlight conspiracy? Did the fleshlight really exist before the birth of Jesus Christ?
Googles says it did!
I was trying out Googles Timeline search feature today.
It’s pretty cool, it gives you a timeline for the word you are searching for and it displays the results in chronological order. So I searched for Fleshlight out of curiosity.
My gut feeling was confirmed. Fleshlights did indeed exist before the birth of Baby Jesus Christ. Acording to Google they existed years before his birth, around 1000 AD (BC) to be more precise.
I have the proof right here! (Google is never wrong, right?)
This revelation leaves me with a lot of questions.
- How did the Fleshlight get there?
- Who left it there? Was it Aliens, Leprechauns or maybe God himself?
- Why a fleshlight?
I’m thinking that it probably was Barney from The Flintstones but more interestingly, how exactly did it get there? And why? Why would anyone travel back in time with a Fleshlight or was it sitting there all along?
Anyway, where would you even get the lube from? Dinosaur slime? Yuk!
As you can see, lube was invented in the beginning of the 1800’s.
Maybe it was planted in the garden of eden by God himself to test Adam?
I never figured out why the Snake in the tree would offer Adam and Eve an apple. I mean what the hell, it’s just a piece of fruit. I think the snake was supposed to offer Adam the Fleshlight but something went wrong. Mr Snake probably tried out the Fleshlight for himself and was so blown away by the realistic feel that he wanted to keep it too himself. Snakes are never to be trusted.
Screw those guys, I’m keeping this for myself. I’ll toss them an apple or some other junk instead!”
Anyways, this is all very strange and since Google never is wrong I feel that I don’t even have the capacity to wrap my head around these mysterious finding. I’ll leave that to big thinkers like Dan Brown and company.